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jbell
12-11-03, 08:59 AM
SANTA CLAUS: An Engineer's Perspective

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per house hold, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each.

Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second --- 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.

The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them --- Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).

600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second crates enormous air resistance --- this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to centrifugal forces of 17,500 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.

Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.

Th0r
12-11-03, 09:45 AM
Seen that like 2 years ago... It is very funny still :)

DDR-PIII
12-11-03, 10:57 AM
lol first time seeing that one, but its good :)

JigPu
12-11-03, 12:53 PM
lol :) Mmm... Pink Goo... :D

JigPu

YellowDart
12-11-03, 01:52 PM
lol

FireMogle
12-11-03, 01:58 PM
Don't feel sorry for him, he's had it comming for some time now.

KaHNZa
12-11-03, 02:27 PM
LOL! That would be something to see. Exploding reindeer in the sky followed by several sonic booms. :D

noble2501
12-11-03, 05:15 PM
Originally posted by FireMogle
Don't feel sorry for him, he's had it comming for some time now.

LOL. You're right on the money! I've also heard this one before, but it still makes me laugh.

:D My hard work paid off, I'm finally in.. now I must sleep it's really late.. :santa2:

Diggrr
12-11-03, 05:45 PM
Huh, and all this time I thought this is how he went....

http://home.wmis.net/~jberg/wp-127.jpg

9mmCensor
12-11-03, 06:37 PM
Yummy Reindeer. :drool: (they are so tasty)

Who says Santa doesn't have minions to help him?

You forgot to exclude children who are athiests...

KaHNZa
12-11-03, 07:01 PM
Originally posted by 9mmCensor
Who says Santa doesn't have minions to help him?

Yeah, remember there are Santas in all the malls across the country. :p

Malpine Walis
12-11-03, 07:47 PM
But if any of that is accurate how do explain this link (http://www.noradsanta.org/)?

Remove
12-11-03, 08:12 PM
Santa's not dead! NO NO NO NO NO

I was good this year, well most of it and am really deserving of the Carmen Electra clone.

9mmCensor
12-11-03, 08:15 PM
Originally posted by Malpine Walis
But if any of that is accurate how do explain this link (http://www.noradsanta.org/)?
Thats what you get when you have a \$+300 Billion defence budget.

JigPu
12-11-03, 08:18 PM
Originally posted by Malpine Walis
But if any of that is accurate how do explain this link (http://www.noradsanta.org/)?

"MCI
Hmmmm... Wonder if I should call up NORAD on Christmas Eve :D

JigPu

JML
12-11-03, 08:19 PM
SANTA'S MAGIC!

KaHNZa
12-11-03, 08:26 PM
Originally posted by JigPu

Hmmmm... Wonder if I should call up NORAD on Christmas Eve :D

JigPu

Yeah, and tell them Santa is a Russian spy. He IS wearing a red suit after all. :D

noble2501
12-11-03, 11:30 PM
Originally posted by KaHNZa

Yeah, and tell them Santa is a Russian spy. He IS wearing a red suit after all. :D

ROTFLMAO, no don't! He's actually a finnish immigrant, not a russian spy... comrad. :D

9mmCensor
12-11-03, 11:32 PM
No, no, no. You silly Finns. Santa Clause lives in the North Pole in CANADA, not in Lappland.

noble2501
12-11-03, 11:41 PM
Wanna bet? Let's just fire up that norad tracking service, I'm sure he's in Lapland right now.. entertaining silly english and asian tourist folk who actually come here every year.

Mr. \$T\$
12-11-03, 11:56 PM
Originally posted by 9mmCensor

Thats what you get when you have a \$+300 Billion defence budget.

Haaahahahaaa

Heck when you arn't blowing rocks up in the desert then what else do you expect them to do :p

But really who spent all that time finding all that info just to prove what we all knew already? Than is like sombody proving mathematically that we have four fingers and two thumbs

Bensa
12-12-03, 08:12 AM
Santa Claus actually lives in Lapland.
First of all, if he lived on the North Pole, he would become depressed and become a abusive alcoholic.

Secondly, there is a Santas workshop in Finland, where you can send mail to. They have their own village full of elves and unlike those wierd tiny ones, ours are just normal sized humans. Think about it, if you want to have lots of labor, wouldn't you rather have larger and stronger workers rather than midgets who can maybe carry a single box of toys at once?

Also, the Finnish santa is smart enough to use a door :rolleyes:

Mr B
12-12-03, 08:52 AM
Originally posted by Bensa
Santa Claus actually lives in Lapland.
First of all, if he lived on the North Pole, he would become depressed and become a abusive alcoholic.

There's something to be said for that.... :cool:

I've seen the original post before...thanks for the "reminder" jbell. :D Funny stuff.

jbell
12-12-03, 09:36 AM
Originally posted by Mr B

There's something to be said for that.... :cool:

I've seen the original post before...thanks for the "reminder" jbell. :D Funny stuff.

anytime .. .gotta stop in once in a while....

12-12-03, 09:51 AM
You spoiled my Christmas :cry:

j/k :D

mbentley
12-12-03, 06:21 PM
just the thought of the reindeer bursting into flames had me rolling on the floor :) i've seen it before, but it was still hilarious :)

...as for "norad tracks santa" thing, i sure hope to god that it's really not something the government put on... lol

god help us all if so... :D

Penguin4x4
12-12-03, 07:04 PM

9mmCensor
12-12-03, 10:36 PM
Originally posted by Penguin4x4
LMAOAPMP

Remove
12-12-03, 11:39 PM
Originally posted by Penguin4x4

Friggin priceless!!!!! LMFAO

nealric
12-12-03, 11:41 PM
Well...
Acording to my logic class this is a valid argument:

It is cold outside
Socks are white
Therfore Santa Claus exists

:D

(of course this rests on a very technical definition of validity)

FireMogle
12-13-03, 12:42 PM
Originally posted by nealric
Well...
Acording to my logic class this is a valid argument:

It is cold outside
Socks are white
Therfore Santa Claus exists

:D

(of course this rests on a very technical definition of validity)

It's that type of thought that causes brain anurisms.

ArBiTaL 24
12-13-03, 12:55 PM
:) I like that (post)

Originally posted by nealric
Well...
Acording to my logic class this is a valid argument:

It is cold outside
Socks are white
Therfore Santa Claus exists

:D

(of course this rests on a very technical definition of validity)

Would you care to explain that? :D

Originally posted by Penguin4x4

HAhahaha :)
I like :)

Borisw37
12-13-03, 03:16 PM
I feel sorry for the kinds in Washington DC. With their no-fly zone, it looks like santa is not geting through the Stinger and Avenger missile system fire.

Soja
12-16-03, 03:05 AM
Mama nooooooo!

HaTE
12-16-03, 03:49 AM
lol, this is a great thread, i couldn't stop laughing:D

nerdlogic
12-16-03, 09:54 AM
He eats children's toes.

Bensa
12-16-03, 12:04 PM
Originally posted by nerdlogic
He eats children's toes.

Uhhh..., I guess thats why he is so fat. All that saturated fat from the toes of millions of children can't be very healthy.

Blue_Dragon1521
12-17-03, 09:07 PM
lolz... woah... thats the first time I saw that one.... cool

noble2501
12-20-03, 10:01 AM
Santa is finnish and I've got proof!!

http://www.woodpeckerfilm.fi/rare/

:santa:

I'm out for the holidays, but I might be able to check back before new year!
Happy holidays!