W2001-Texas Edition

[Newbie_Doo]

I received this notice via e-mail:

Dear Customers:

It has come to our attention that a few copies of
the WINDOWS 2001 TEXAS EDITION may have
accidentally been shipped outside of TEXAS.
If you have one of these, you may need some help
understanding the commands.

The TEXAS edition may be recognized by the unique
opening screen. It reads: WINDERS 2001, with a
background picture of Sam Houston superimposed on
a Texas flag. It is shipped with a Remember the
Alamo screen saver.

Please also note:
The Recycle Bin is labeled "Outhouse"
My Computer is called "This Dern Contraption"
Dial up Networking is called "Good Ol' Boys"
Control Panel is known as "The Dashboard"
Hard Drive is referred to as "4 Wheel Drive"
Floppies are "them little ol plastic disc thangs"

Instead of an error message a "garbage bag and
roll of duct tape" pops up.

CHANGES IN TERMINOLOGY IN TEXAS EDITION:
OK . . . . . . . . . . ats aw-right
Cancel . . . . . . . stopdat
Reset . . . . . . . . try er agin
Yes . . . . . . . . . yep
No . . . . . . . . . . noop
Find . . . . . . . . . hunt fer it
Go to. . . . . . . . over yonder
Back . . . . . . . . back yonder
Help . . . . . . . . hep me out here
Stop . . . . . . . . . kwitit
Start . . . . . . . . . crank er up
Settings . . . . . . settins
Programs . . . . . stuff at duz stuff
Documents . . . . stuff ah done did

Also note that TEXAS EDITION does not recognize
capital letters or punctuation marks.

Some programs that are exclusive to WINDERS 2001:
Tiperiter . . . . . . . . A word processing program
colerin book . . . . . a graphics program
cyferin mersheen . calculator
outhouse paper . . notepad
iner-net . . . . . . . . ..Microsoft Explorer4.0
pichers . . . . . . . . . A graphics viewer

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if
you received a copy of the TEXAS EDITION. You may
return it to Microsoft for a replacement version if ya
want.

I hope this helps all y'all!
Billy Bob Gates

[RedDeathDrinker]

A Very Important Announcement from Microsoft....



It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Glasgow edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside Glasgow. If you have one of the Glasgow editions you may need some help understanding the commands. The Glasgow edition may be recognised by looking at the opening screen. It reads WINDAES 98 with a background picture of a Buckfast bottle superimposed on a Clydebank flag. It is shipped with a Buckfast screensaver.

Also note:

The Recycle Bin is labeled Oot tae f*&^

Dialup Networking is called Ma Mates

Control Panel is known as How Tae F*&^ Aboot Wi The Settins

Hard Drive is referred to as Big Disk

Floppies are known as Them Wee Plastic Ba**ards



Other features:



OK = its aww-right

cancel = f*&^ off

yes = aye

no = nay f*&^in' chance

find = get it yer f&^*in' sel'

go to = orr therr

help = ah cannae dae it

stop = gie's f*&^in peace

start = f&*^in' move

settings = settins

programs = stuff at does stuff

personal folder = ma s**t



Also note that Windaes 98 does not recognise capital letters or punctuation marks.



Some programs that are exclusive to WINDAES 98:



tiperiter = a word processor

cullerin book = a graphics program

addin mershene = calculator

scratch paper = notepad (usually unused)

sounds = CD player

porn = Microsoft Internet Explorer

pikchers = a graphics viewer

dole money = M/S accounting software

Sellik = a spreadsheet of Celtic F.C.'s recent scores

Bevvy = local off-licences by area code and price of Tennent's Super

tax records = usually an empty file



We regret any inconvenience it may have cause if you received a copy of the Glasgow edition. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version