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  1. #1

    What the hell is wrong with Value!!!!

    Has anyone saw the new updates!?!?!

    Its pathetic!! You have to lubricate your gun and stuff!

    I hope it isnt too hard to all these new things

    You also are recommended to use your knife when changing levels because it gathers water or sumthin
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  2. #2
    ok, i just looked at the Steam forum, and appently this was a joke, lol, i was about to give up if the update was real
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  3. #3
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    I just finished reading about a dozen posts on steam forums regarding Valves "update" and I'm surprised by the number of people who thought it was a real update... I mean c'mon.. use some common sense folks...

  4. #4
    Member cornbread's Avatar
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    April fools?
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  5. #5
    until DoD:Source comes out, im not laughing at anything they have to say


    lol.......it just dawned on me that these people are responsible for giving me the best gaming experiances of my life, oh well, screw em
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    The knife in BF2 is like a defribrillator for those who aren't paying attention.

  6. #6
    I dont think it was funny at all I mean imagine if you actually had to look after your weapon, although the jumping thing kinda gave it away, lol
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  7. #7
    Disabled DerekDRP's Avatar
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    if the updates where real it would filter out the script kiddies, and hacker wanna be's lol


    and bea cool concept

  8. #8
    i thought the updates were halarious

    edit: for those who want to read it

    Friday, April 1 2005

    An update is available for Counter-Strike: Source. The update will be applied automatically when your Steam client is restarted. This update addresses requests for more realism in Counter-Strike: Source. The changes are as follows:


    Features/Additions
    Doubled player speed when jumping. The effect to cumulative, so the more you jump, the faster you go.
    Cut price of AWP by 50%.
    Added akimbo Riot Shield to buy menu.
    Removed de_dust from mapcycle.
    Realism Enhancements:

    Knives:
    Between rounds, it is suggested that you unsheath the weapon and repeatedly press the attack key to air it out as the leather now collects moisture and creates pits on the blade, making it less effective in the next round.

    Shotguns:
    1. Firing the shotgun without ammo loaded will now cause it to jam.
    2. When the shotgun jams, press F2 to fill out form DA-1823-00/A12-H8.
    3. You should then hear a scribbling sound. When it stops, press F3 to send the request to LIDM.
    4. Failure to do paperwork before pressing F3 will result in the immediate return of the unrepaired shotgun.
    5. The repairs can take 1-2 rounds for completion. During that time, you cannot purchase a replacement firearm and may only use your sidearm or knife.

    Player Models:
    Several models now feature eyewear. This is a completely cosmetic enhancement with the following exceptions:

    Part EP-7829-292-2 must be purchased and worn correctly at all times in order to see during the round.

    In between rounds, you may purchase and use part EC-2231-833-H34 to clean your EP-7829-292-2. Note: that this does not clean the eyewear itself!

    To clean the eyewear, you need to purchase and use the designated cleaner, EC-2231-233-H34, EC-2231-523-H34, or EC-2231-239-H34a respectively depending on your model's eyewear. You can determine the part # of the correct cleaner by asking someone.

    Machine and submachine guns:

    At least once every five rounds, press F1 to inspect the weapon:
    A musical cue indicates that the inspection has started. Now press F1 again repeatedly to clean and lubricate the weapon.

    Your Preventative Maintenance Status (either "cleaning" or "lubricating") is determined by the speed with which you press the F1 key and will be displayed above your head.

    To accurately simulate real life maintenance mistakes, pressing F1 too quickly will lubricate either the bolt face or the trunnion block. Pressing F1 too slowly sprays lubricant directly into the buffer tube. All mistakes render the gun inoperable, though this may not become immediately apparent.

    Experiment with keypress timing to avoid (and discover!) other common maintenance errors.

    In order to balance the improved stopping power of a well-maintained weapon, the reloading process has been made much less reliable.

    When reloading, you should listen for two or three distinct clicks over a period of several seconds.

    If you hear one click or no clicks or more than two clicks, you've bent the link ejector chute and the gun will most likely explode on the next attempt to fire it, though it may not.

  9. #9
    Member Sjaak's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stan03
    i thought the updates were halarious
    bwahahahahaha

    hell they were
    'Apparantly reality has a strong liberal bias'

  10. #10
    I didn't turn the comp on yesterday, so I didn't get them until today. At first, I was like "Hmm, the lame jumping thing is back", then when I got to the thing about the sheath holding moisture, I was like "man is that odd" Then the shotgun stuff had me looking back at the date of the release.

    Good stuff Valve! I thought it was funny too!!

  11. #11
    Knives:
    Between rounds, it is suggested that you unsheath the weapon and repeatedly press the attack key to air it out as the leather now collects moisture and creates pits on the blade, making it less effective in the next round.

    Shotguns:
    1. Firing the shotgun without ammo loaded will now cause it to jam.
    That was the funniest part!
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  12. #12
    Member Shuzzy's Avatar
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    "Removed de_dust from mapcycle"

    lol, right.

  13. #13
    Member Sjaak's Avatar
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    Player Models:
    Several models now feature eyewear. This is a completely cosmetic enhancement with the following exceptions:
    funny as for today i went out looking for new sunglasses
    'Apparantly reality has a strong liberal bias'

  14. #14
    I cant believe i fell for it

    Me *slaps* Me
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  15. #15
    Member kukyfrope's Avatar
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    I saw this too and thought it was pretty funny but realized how much of an April Fools trick it was when they started talking about buying replacement parts for your Shotgun (WHO REALLY USES THAT GUN!?) The kiddies probably saw the very few top parts of the post and loaded up their Steam Forums bookmark and fired up their anti-swear filter apps to tell Valve they hate them before turning back on their new wallhacks and rejoining the server they played in until 4am the previous night.

  16. #16
    half pricing the awp... riiiiiiiiight, like they would have stuck with that

  17. #17

    Talking

    Quote Originally Posted by stan03
    half pricing the awp... riiiiiiiiight, like they would have stuck with that
    Yup, i could just imagine that

    I would probably swear alot more while playin CS if that ever happened
    Personally i think people who use awp should jump in front of a car!
    lol
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  18. #18
    Leviathan41's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stan03
    i thought the updates were hilarious
    ROFL, that is great!

    although I can believe people actually believed it, hehe, no offense

  19. #19
    Member Sjaak's Avatar
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    Apr 2004
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    LOL..i just copy/pasted the text of it to a friend of me who is really CS addict (he's on holiday now so he hadn't seen it yet)

    he went through the roof
    'Apparantly reality has a strong liberal bias'

  20. #20
    Member Blackmage's Avatar
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    London.Uk
    Man, this made it Fake to me

    Added akimbo Riot Shield to buy menu.
    Removed de_dust from mapcycle.

    who the hell removes De_Dust? thats like not eatting!
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