Just remembered I have a BIOS switch! I'll have to try it.
Check your harddrive with the portable non-shizuku version of Crystaldiskinfo to make sure you're not having HDD issues preventing proper driver installation:
http://crystalmark.info/software/CrystalDiskInfo/index-e.html
Other than that bad RAM could cause problems trying to load the drivers.
You can also attempt to verify that the card's BIOS isn't a weird custom mining version with GPU-Z: match the GPU BIOS version to the ones for your card model on techpowerup's GPU BIOS database.
- If it's not related to the HDD or RAM and the GPU BIOS is normal, then you probably got sold a bad card that a miner destroyed.
You should have bought one with a transferable warranty instead.