Now this isn't a thread where you can crap on an ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend because that isn't what this thread is. No, I don't want to hear how bitter you are, how evil girls and boys are, etc. This isn't that thread.

What this thread is:

Can you truly be a friend with an ex? Do you think that there will always be this... tension... between you two? Is it possible to rekindle something?

I always heard that you can't be friends with an ex but I actually am with a few. I think my situation makes it easier since I got married and the ex I am friends with is also married. Another ex that suddenly got in contact with me told me he now has a live in girlfriend. Is it because they have someone else is why it is possible for me to be friends with them? I haven't seen them in person in a very long time because we all spread out across the country to different schools but what do you think?

My husband isn't friends with any of his exes and to tell the truth, I wouldn't mind if he was. If you current significant other was friends with an ex, would you mind? Meaning this ex has a long history with the significant other and all.

I sort of want to figure this guy thought stuff.

EDIT: This is theoretical and has nothing to do with my own marriage. I just put us two as an example since he doesn't stay friends with his exes while I do.

[4GHZ_or_bust]

It is possible to remain friends with your ex. It does depend on the reason for separation.

[shuiends]

I think it is. It depends ultimately on why you seperated. I am very good friends with one of my ex's. We were good friend before we went out, then went out for almost a year. We borke up mutually as both of us wanted to date other people and we are still very good friends.

[Alchemy1]

I am friends with ALL of my ex's. I have never had a bad break up. Usually it is a mutual split. I think it depends on the people involved. Some people can be civil and others can't. I have broken up with the girl I am currently dating before and she just flipped out. She could not even sit in the same room with me (we have almost ALL the same friends).

[twEEkerAreUs]

Plain & Simple, No. It depends on the breakup situation that took place and of course who you are as a person. I'm not one to want/need many friends in the first place, so if I get dumped or vice versa forget it it's over period!

I personally never could understand why you would stay friends, it reminds me of one of the most pathetic break up excuses ever "It's not working, but we can still be friends" Lmao...NO, NO WE CAN'T.

The person broke up with you because not only do they not love you & it wasn't serious, but there is something about you THEY DISLIKE or vice versa. Why the hell would you continue to be friends? Friends are on par with serious Relationships in my opinion, but I know a lot of people don't think like that.

By the way, I blame my views on my Zodiac sign Cancer haha. Seriously, it describes me too a tee & is bizarre.

Cancer (June 21 -- July 22): Attuned to emotions and feelings of self and others; often alternate between introversion and extroversion; strong appreciation for the earth and its natural resources; protective of personal security and also any persons who are included in the "inner circle"; loyal and devoted lovers and parents; good cooks; prone to weight difficulty; will work to make the living environment cozy; must learn to stabilize emotions

[man_utd]

That's silly. Many times you just find out that you aren't interested in the person anymore, but that doesn't mean you want them completely out of your life. Not being romantically interested is not the same thing as not being interested at all.

[LoneWolf121188]

Originally Posted by 4GHZ_or_bust

It is possible to remain friends with your ex. It does depend on the reason for separation.

Originally Posted by man_utd

That's silly. Many times you just find out that you aren't interested in the person anymore, but that doesn't mean you want them completely out of your life. Not being romantically interested is not the same thing as not being interested at all.

I agree with both of these statements. It totally depends on the terms of the breakup.

Originally Posted by twEEkerAreUs

The person broke up with you because not only do they not love you & it wasn't serious, but there is something about you THEY DISLIKE or vice versa. Why the hell would you continue to be friends? Friends are on par with serious Relationships in my opinion, but I know a lot of people don't think like that.

No one is perfect. Tension only makes the resolution that much sweeter, and you both learn and grow from that tension.

I have plenty of friends that are girls (didn't want to say "girl friends") that I wouldn't date. Thats not because I don't like em, they're just not my type. If you find that out about a person 3 months into a relationship, then why can't you break up with them and not be friends?

[Frodo Baggins]

Originally Posted by nerdlogic

Now this isn't a thread where you can crap on an ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend because that isn't what this thread is. No, I don't want to hear how bitter you are, how evil girls and boys are, etc. This isn't that thread.

What this thread is:

Can you truly be a friend with an ex? Do you think that there will always be this... tension... between you two? Is it possible to rekindle something?

I always heard that you can't be friends with an ex but I actually am with a few. I think my situation makes it easier since I got married and the ex I am friends with is also married. Another ex that suddenly got in contact with me told me he now has a live in girlfriend. Is it because they have someone else is why it is possible for me to be friends with them? I haven't seen them in person in a very long time because we all spread out across the country to different schools but what do you think?

My husband isn't friends with any of his exes and to tell the truth, I wouldn't mind if he was. If you current significant other was friends with an ex, would you mind? Meaning this ex has a long history with the significant other and all.

I sort of want to figure this guy thought stuff. Please, only serious commentary.

I think it's important whether or not they were your friend before you were dating. I can't say much regarding the topic though. I've only dated (pretty much) one girl my entire life and I remember once when we had broken up (for the first time, as opposed to the second), she told me "I think we should go back to being just friends", after which I asked her "When have we ever been just friends".

Nerdlogic, your question is way too vague. It depends too much on too many factors. How long did the couple go out? How much have both parties moved on? How did the breakup occur. I treated my (sole) relationship so very seriously, but I know other people who seem to have a new relationship every week. After moving on, these people seem to always so casually state "yeah, I dated her once". Others are unable to move on.

So it depends

[dark_15]

Originally Posted by nerdlogic

Can you truly be a friend with an ex? Do you think that there will always be this... tension... between you two? Is it possible to rekindle something?

From my own personal experience, no.

No matter what happens, there will always be that uneasiness between you and your ex. That little bit of friction... that little bit of something that just is dampening those sparks...

From my own recent experience, I dated a girl (I'll call her Jane) my junior year of high school for about 6 months. That relationship went down in flames... Hell hath no fury on that relationship!

Anyways, fast forward to about a month ago...

So I meet this nice girl (Ginny) and we started dating. THEN I found out she was roomates with JANE!!!!

O_o

Well, to make a long story short, Jane and Ginny got into a big fight, where Jane told Ginny EVERYTHING about our relationship... and when I mean everything, I mean all the bad stuff I did 2 years ago. Ginny and I broke up a few days later.

Fast forward to about a week ago:

I am talking to Ginny online, trying to explain to her that I have changed from my Junior year. Well, it didn't go too well... and the next day I am greeted with a 2 1/2 page email from her, where she rants and totally flames me. Quite frankly it shocked me, becuase I could barely understand where she could write with so much mailce... especially after less than a month.

The reason why it shocked me was because it sounded exactly like what JANE told me 2 years ago! I may forget a lot, but hurtful words are something that NO ONE forgets. [consipiracy theory] Perhaps it was Jane who wrote this letter for Ginny [/consipiracy theory]

I really couldn't believe my own eyes when I read it, but sadly, it was true. I sent an email back to her... and am waiting on a response.


In other words, I don't think it'll ever happen. I try as best as I can to be nice and fair to everyone, but it seems like it'll never be good enough. It certainly wasn't good enough for Jane and Ginny...

[four4875]

In my experience, it can go both ways. one of the ex's is a great friend, and i care greatly for her, and another, she hates me caus i wasnt comfortable with her and her ex's still existant sex life, she still talks to me sometimes, and sometimes she hates me. i really dont understand it, i hear of her talking about how im a great person one day, the next i hear she has called me a mean prick... odd situation. if you break up on good terms, it seems very possible, but if its an angry one... not very likely.

[man_utd]

Originally Posted by four4875

In my experience, it can go both ways. one of the ex's is a great friend, and i care greatly for her, and another, she hates me caus i wasnt comfortable with her and her ex's still existant sex life, she still talks to me sometimes, and sometimes she hates me. i really dont understand it, i hear of her talking about how im a great person one day, the next i hear she has called me a mean prick... odd situation. if you break up on good terms, it seems very possible, but if its an angry one... not very likely.

Been there done that, but even with horrible break ups, I still generally become friends with them. I tend to be a person who prefers to hold onto friends, and will go to extremes to give most people second chances.

[four4875]

have i ever told you that your trouser snake av makes me laugh every time i see it?

i dont have a problem with her really, other than i dont know it its gonna be one of the good days or bad, so i dont even bother. but as i said, the person i probably care about more than anything is an ex.

[turd]

I have been friends with ex's and have not. The thing is, and it may be me, no matter what the situation of the departure-when I see them out, just me and them, I kinda start thinking about being intimate with them again. Sometimes it goes that way; so are we friends or what?

[Xenocide]

one of my ex's is still my best friend to this day.

but some of the others, cringe when they hear my name. hahah

[Daewood]

I'm trying it right now... it was actually my first GF and it was more mutual split instead of bad breakup...


so I'll let you know if it is possible or not...

[ihrsetrdr]

Sure, it's certainly possible BUT-

My husband isn't friends with any of his exes

in such a case as this, I would not recommend maintaining contact with an ex because...

there will always be this... tension... between you two

and I'm sure your husband is no dummy and knows this. Your marriage is more important than friendship with an ex.

Originally Posted by ihrsetrdr

Your marriage is more important than friendship with an ex.

That, I know. The situation was more hypothetical. It really has nothing to do with the husband and me. It's more just wondering why people can't be friends with their exes.

Originally Posted by Frodo Baggins

Nerdlogic, your question is way too vague. It depends too much on too many factors. How long did the couple go out? How much have both parties moved on? How did the breakup occur. So it depends

It is vague because there is no real couple in question. This thread has actually nothing to do with my marriage. I just sort of showed us up there because while I can be friends with my exes, he can't. I was wondering why people can't be friends with their exes ( a lot of people I know are that way ) whereas I don't see why not. If they meant enough to be a significant other, then they could be a friend of mine after. I guess it'd be different if someone cheated on the other, but you know what I mean. I just wanted to see why.

So yeah, trust me guys, I am not asking anything about my marriage.

[ihrsetrdr]

It's more just wondering why people can't be friends with their exes.

O.K., bottom line...

Situation A: if there was a cheating situation he & she(the ex's) needs to get on with life and focus on someone worthy of his/her attention.

Situation B: if there is some uh, residual sexual tension then he & she(the ex's) will never fully get on with life and focus on someone worthy of his/her attention.

Just my 2 cents

What if they were best friends prior to the relationship?

[rebelwarlock]

all of my exes suck, so i can't speak for myself. it's not impossible though, i've definately seen it happen to other people.