Kids Say The Darndest Things

Here’s some things kids do and say or get their parents into. Some of them are even true. 🙂

A kindergarten teacher had a pupil tell her he had found a frog.

She inquired as to whether it was dead or alive.

“Dead,” she was informed.

“How do you know?” she asked.

“Because I pissed in his ear,” said the child innocently.

“You did WHAT?” squealed the teacher in surprise.

“You know,” explained the boy. “I leaned over and went ‘Pssst’. He didn’t move!”

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Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cherub faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, “What are you up to there, Nancy?” My goldfish died,” replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up,” and I’ve just buried him.” The neighbor was concerned, “That’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?” Nancy patted down the last heap of earth then replied, “That’s because it’s inside your cat!”

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An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage insurance.
He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and I wanted to
follow as best I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad.
He came back and handed me a Kotex right in front of our guest.

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I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom and
wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked
adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so
well that I had copies made and included one with each of our Christmas
cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing
hysterically, and suggesting I take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at
the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to my son, I had
captured my reflection in the mirror – wearing nothing but a camera!

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Yo Mama So Fat….

…she fell in love and she broke it

…she jumped on a scale and it said “to be continued”

…she jumped on a scale and it said “one at a time please”

…she jumped on a dollar and got four quarters

…she’s doesn’t have an area code; she is an area code

…her measurements are 36-24-36, and her other arm is just as big

…when God said let there be light, He told her to move over

Yo Mama’s so old…

…she was in Jesus’s yearbook

…when God said let there be light, she flipped the switch

Yo Family’s So Poor…

…your house has a kickstand

Yo House is so Nasty…
…the roaches wear shoes

…you wipe your feet before going out

Yo Mama’s So Stupid…

…she thought a quarterback is a refund

…I gave a penny for her thoughts and got change back

Email Ed