Does Santa Overclock?

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Update on “Twas’ the night before Christmas…” – Brian Berryman

When Clement C. Moore penned his timeless Christmas classic, I wonder if he could have known at the time that it would become such an integral part of
the holiday season.

I also wonder if he could have envisioned that so many variations of it would be dreamed up. I’ve seen a good number of Christmas poems based on Mr. Moore’s
work, some better than others. All of them owe a measure of sincere thanks to Mr. Moore’s masterpiece.

This one is no exception. Thank you, Mr. Moore. =)

Happy Holidays!

Brian Berryman

>< O >< O >< O >< O >< O >< O >< O >< O >< O >< O >< O ><


Twas
the night before Christmas,
And all through the house,
All my case fans were whirring,
Near my optical mouse,

The stockings were hung,
On our bannister rail,
Filled up with goodies,
From last Sunday’s sales.

The kids were all snoozin’,
Curled up in their beds,
With visions of “Kay B Toys”,
Filling their heads.

With mamma in her nightgown,
And I in my briefs,
Had just finally dozed off,
To get us some sleep.

When out in the yard,
Rose a deafening roar,
I thought “If that’s my drunk neighbor,
I’ll give him what for!”

I stumbled to the window,
And peeked thru the blinds,
But what I saw next,
Just blew my mind.

Before I could stammer out,
“What the heck gives?”,
The question got changed to;
“Kris Kringle Lives?!?”

Out in the driveway,
Was an old fashioned sleigh,
With two thirds of a dozen,
Reindeer pulling away.

The guy at the reins,
Was looking real slick,
And I wondered aloud,
“Could this be Old Saint Nick?”

I had my doubts,
They were one and the same,
When he called to the reindeer,
By some very strange names;

“On Radeon, and Springdale,
nForce and Maxtor,
Asus and Abit,
XP and P4!”

To the top of the fence,
To the top of the shed,
And up on the rooftop,

Up over my head.

Oddly my next thought was,
“Please! Mr. Kringle,
I just had the roof done,
Don’t tear up the shingles!”

In the living room this thin guy,
Dropped down the chute,
But not dressed in red,
He wore an Armani suit,

I stared and asked “Santa?”
“You’ve lost lots of weight…”
He laughed and said “Yeah,
And I really feel great!”

“My cholesterol’s down,
And I can move really quick,
Plus there’s more room in the sleigh now,
For toys with “Saint Nick”.”

I asked, “No more pipe?”
He said, “Yes, that’s gone too…
Mrs. Claus got me,
That Nicoderm CQ.”

Then he busied himself,
With his sack by the tree,
With toys for the kids,
(and a couple for me!)

My daughter got Barbies,
My boy a Red Flyer wagon,
And there with my name,
Was a new Chieftec Dragon.

“Now an empty case,” he said,
“That just will not do…”
“Let’s look for a board,
In my bag here for you.”

While he reached in his bag,
for that mobo for me,
He asked “Do you want intel,
Or do you run AMD?”

Before I could answer,
He put me in heaven,
When out of the bag,
Came a box marked “AI7“.

Out next was a chip,
Which filled me with glee,
For the new retail box,
Was labeled “EE“.

He then looked at me,
With a quizzical eye,
“Are you an “nVidiot”,
Or run ATI?”

“I know DOOM III’s” not out yet,
But you’ll need this you know…
A new 9800,
In this box labeled “Pro“.”

Then new speakers by Klipsch,
And a new Audigy,
We nestled quite nicely,
Under the tree.

Soon a stack of drives,
Appeared under there,
Along with a package,
That was labeled “Corsair“.

And one more small box,
Soon appeared in my sight,
A small, heavy one,
With the name “Thermalright“.

He said; “I’d put this together,
But I’ve got a long flight.”
I laughed and said “Santa,
That’s quite alright.”

“Half of the fun,
Is putting it all together,
It’ll give me a project,

For this cold, snowy weather.”

A couple more boxes,
Then appeared on the floor,
With things for the Mrs.,
From the jewelry store.

He then laid his finger,
Aside of his nose,
With a wink and a nod,
Up that chimney he rose.

He hopped in the sleigh,
And tugged on the reins,
Then flew off of the roof,
Like a low flying plane.

But I heard him exclaim,
‘ere he drove out of sight,
“I hope by this time next year,
The release the 2nd Half Life!”

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