Feeling Spyteful

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Feeling Spyteful

The Inquirer reports that more and more computers are being infected by more and more spyware and adware.

Well, that’s all I’ve been doing lately, cleaning this &$@#* out of people’s machines. If you have a bunch of Joe Sixpacks in your life, I bet you are, too.

I would also bet that by now, you’re not exactly feeling rapturous joy when doing it.

Maybe we can get our heads together on this.

Looking For GigaGarbagemen

For at least part one of this, I’m not looking for responses on what you do to keep your machine clean. If you know and care enough to keep your machine spotless, hearing from you is like getting cleaning tips from Martha Stewart.

We’re not talking about the equivalent of light dusting for people who care about this. I’m looking for people who have to do the digital equivalent of cleaning out sewers for people who don’t care about this until their machine “breaks.”

We’re not talking about machines that have virus- and adware- and spyware-checks every week. We’re talking about machines that haven’t had these things done, ever, owned by people who aren’t going to do such things regularly, ever.

We’re looking for people who do this fairly often fairly non-violently, and if you are literally a pro at this because it’s part of your job and you’re still vaguely sane, that’s even better.

What Do You Do To Stop It?

The first part of what I’m asking is pretty nuts and bolts information:

  • How do you go about diagnosing what wrong?
  • What do you do to fix it?
  • What do you use to fix it with? What works, what doesn’t?
  • What do you do to stop it from happening again (or at least slow it down)?

    I think, though, there’s more to a real answer than that . . . .

    What Do You Do To Stop Them?…

    What Do You Do To Stop Them?

    Whether it’s spywareish or Satanic, possession by an outside force does require some cooperation from the victim, witting or otherwise.

    At least in my experience, if I know the user and what he or she does with the machine, I know the machine. If he/she goes to the Dark Side; the machine’s going to be filthy.

    Yes, anyone and everyone will inevitably pick up a little dirt here and there, no matter what they do. We’re not talking about you. We’re talking about hip- if not neck-high muck.

    It could be due to P2Ping, it could be warez, it could be porn, but the results are much the same.

    If you suggest after cleaning the stables that what the user really needs is not an extra program or two but a life-style change, you might as well talk to a rock.

    No, I’m wrong and unfair saying that. Sorry, rocks, you don’t cause any problems.

    It’s more like telling the zombies in Dawn of the Dead about lifestyle improvement. Of, for the earthier among you, like cleaning out someone’s septic tank and then telling him or her not to s— anymore.

    Even if you suggest the computing equivalent of safe sex, the response will be almost as stony. Well, maybe you can make them buy a program, but use it? I think I’d get better results from the advanced Alzheimer’s section of the nursing home.

    In my experience, we’re dealing with folks severely brain-damaged on the subject, and I’ve found those who are fifty just as bad as those who are fifteen.

    To add insult to injury, I’ve found that the most brain-damaged are the ones who consider you an idiot if you can’t fix their problem in a moment.

    For those of you familiar with the site and me, let me put it to you this way. Would you want to be anywhere near me after I’ve had to clean out one of your machines the third time in the last month, and you’re giving me attitude about it?

    Doesn’t faze these folks at all; it’s like punching out a pillow.

    What do you do with people like this? (No fantasizing please, non-violent answers only. :))

    I (and I’m sure many others) really would like to hear what works out in the field. Your answer may be technological (but if it is, assume the same level of cooperation the U.S. Army is getting from Sunni militants in Iraq). Or it may be psychological.

    All are welcome.

    Wanted: A LONG Article

    Yes, this is a personal problem, but one I think I share with a lot of people these days.

    No, I don’t expect to end up with a single best fix-all, but I think we could gather a bunch of good ones for varying situations.

    If you’ve found tools and/or approaches that have worked pretty well, I and we would appreciate it if you could share them with us by sending an email to the special email address listed below.

    Oh, one other thing.

    We might as well get some morbid entertainment out of this, so if you have some good war stories, and exemplary examples of idiocy, please mention them, too.

    Thanks in advance!

    Email Ed

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