The Million Dollar Laptop . . .

I guess the $350,000 laptop we mentioned a while back didn’t cost enough, so somebody has come up with a million dollar one.

What do you get for your chump change?

  • A 17 inch LED screen with an anti-reflective glare coating. Wow!!!
  • A 128GB solid state disk drive.
  • An integrated screen cleaning device.

    It gets better. The CEO (who must have cojones the size of the Sun) tells us:

    “I didn’t want us to simply re-house a laptop into a diamond studded casing, or diamond encrust the entire thing simply to make it expensive.”

    So what did they do instead?

    “There is an integrated screen cleaning device and a very rare coloured diamond piece of jewellery that doubles up as the power button when placed into the laptop and also acts as security identification. We have used diamonds elsewhere but have given them purpose.”

    I see. Rather than give the nouveau riche a lot of diamonds, we charge you a lot more and give you a lot fewer but meaningful diamonds. Less is more.

    It gets better. You see, you can’t just show up with your million dollars and pick one up.

    “At present and from our previous luxury work, our initial clients will be chosen from this selection as we have already established trust.”

    In other words, you don’t pick us, we pick you. Or, if you’re a bit more skeptical, this means, “Let’s see if this will fly among our certified fools.”

    But don’t worry if you’re down to your last billion:

    “The presentation boxes are of course supplied and finished in the choice that is selected by the client. Exact figures I am unable to provide at present due to negotiations but will certainly be more obtainable then our master piece.”

    In other words, they don’t expect to change a million a box.

    You can see a few pictures of this thing here. Frankly, when I look at the pinkish-purple one, all I can think of is “piece of bathmat from Walmart,” but maybe I’m just not refined enough.

    The Better Bang-For-The-Buck Solution

    You know, outside of the dubious diamonds, this thing can’t possible cost more than $15K, even if the working parts are absolutely top-notch.

    We firmly believe in “bang for the buck,” and this case is no exception.

    You know, if you just settled for the best mass-produced laptop available, with the money you have left over, you could hire yourself a staff to handle the laptop 24/7 during, say, a three-year useful life.

    You could hire people to carry it around. Of course, you wouldn’t have those beasts of burden actually use the machine. You’d have someone else do the actual typing.

    And, of course, he wouldn’t do any typing before he heard from the various experts you’d hire as consultants to advise your typist as to the best financial sites, the best luxury goods sites, the best porn sites . . . .

    For sure, to make the proper impression, you would certainly dress your staff appropriately. No Geek squad garb for them, distinctive outfits for your every mood, maybe medieval academic on Monday, ancient Egyptian on Tuesday.

    True, hiring all these people 24/7 might push the million-buck envelope a bit, but it’s not like you don’t have more where that came from, and if you really had to scrimp, you could drop the financial expert when the markets are closed.

    But really, wouldn’t that impress people a lot more and give you a ton more bang for your bucks than diamond power and CD eject buttons?


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