Well, here’s what we came up with.
Most people didn’t indicate they wanted to be named. A lot of these ended up being combinations of several ideas, or modified versions of the original, so it probably
would be best to leave names out of this one.
I tried to separate these out by general groupings of similiar thoughts.
So . . . . you might be a geektard if . . .
Ignorance Intensified By Attitude
. . . you think “pwnz” and “w00t” must be real words.
. . . you don’t use a spelling and grammar checker because the last time you did, it overheated your CPU.
. . . you argue for hours about 64-bit architecture, then look up terms you don’t know, like “CPU.”
. . . you only look at “real” MHz.
, , , you think your 128bit video card is twice as fast as any 64bit card in existence
. . . you swear you can see a difference between 100FPS and 230FPS on a an 85Hz monitor.
. . . you can say that your cpu is running 33C because that’s what the sensors say even when steam is coming off your heatsink.
. . . you believe putting cold cathodes and led fans in your case will make your computer run faster
. . . you think drinking lots of Jolt and Coffee will make you the ultimate hacker
. . . you go by minimum system requirements for every game you buy.
The Inner Child On The Internet
Tolerance Is For Other People
. . . your opponents aren’t just wrong; they’re blasphemous. (EOFPI)
. . . your first response in any argument is “you’re stupid.”
. . . if you spend more than 10% of your life trying to save the world from someone you will never meet and whose opinions will never affect you.
. . . you believe people who disagree with you should be banned from forums because you’re right and they’re wrong.
. . . you believe people who disagree with you should be banned from forums because they’re right and you’re wrong.
. . . you don’t let people come to your lan party if they have the “wrong” equipment.
. . . a complete list of your equipment and benchmark scores is a higher priority in your signature than your real name.
. . . your signature image features any combination of models you’ve never met, guns and fast cars you’ve never owned, and/or moody shots in the darkened room of the illumination-abused system that substitutes for all the rest. (James Rowland)
. . . you have never met any of your real best friends.
. . . the only people whom you think know anything about anything never leave
. . . your last attempt to get a social life was clicking an email beginning with “Enlarge your…”
It Sucks Being Me
. . . you believe any benchmark score higher than yours is fake.
. . . if someone gets 7 MHz more from a processor than you, you’ve been ripped off.
. . . you brag about getting 50MHz more OC than someone else getting 3GHz from it.
. . . you send ten emails an hour to the reseller when something doesn’t arrive on time.
. . . Holocaust survivors complain less about the Nazis than you do about a package that is one day late.
. . . you think the relationship between you and a reseller is master/slave.
. . . you’re on a first-name basis with the RMA department of one or more companies.
. . . you buy one component from a place that doesn’t work and you spend the rest of your life telling everyone how much the place sucks.
. . . most of your supporting arguments start with “clock-for-clock.”
. . . you spend three weekends searching for a benchmark that will prove that your inferior equipment isn’t.
. . . you laugh at people gullible enough to follow cults but check daily to see a certain person’s latest .plan update.
. . . you think Bill Gates isn’t Satan; he’s worse.
. . . you think Linus Torvald isn’t God; He’s better.
An (Un)Balanced Diet
. . . most of the programs installed on your computer are benchmarks.
. . . you clear 20000 3dMarks but play no 3D games.
. . . you gave up playing 3D games because you were getting constantly fragged while watching the FPS counter in the corner of your screen.
. . . you’ve upgraded your video card three times in the last year to play Counterstrike.
. . . you live alone in a three-room apartment with four computers.
. . . your air cooler cost more than your CPU.
. . . your Win98 system has 15K SCSI drives
. . . your single CPU, single drive, air cooled system has a 550W power supply.
. . . your water-cooled system still sounds like a jet engine and
. . . you made it sound like that to get a 2% benchmark improvement.
. . . you think a CPU temperature of 5ºF is “too hot.”
. . . the answer to noise is noise-cancelling headphones.
. . . Geforce FX noise doesn’t bother you because you already have a Dustbuster hooked up to your system.
. . . you spent $300 on extra cooling for an extra 15mhz, and you’re proud of it.
. . . you read Ed’s article and have no idea what he’s talking about.
. . . you know all too well what Ed’s talking about and have read this article dreading that this will prove you are one.
A few laughs, a few things to think about.