Yeah thumb drives are always an option... just about any Linux distro can be installed off one, BUT you still have to boot off it. You don't install Linux from within Windows (yes there are some wacky exceptions/hacks but I am trying to keep this simple).
Even so with your description of wacky hacks and such.
You will have to at some point reboot to finalize the install and set it up. The only other option is a bootable virtual appliance.
The only option for lazy adventurers. IS to send of the drive to someone willing to do it for you. Then when you get it back. Set it up/ Not saying your lazy ocnoob. You just seem to never had to explore ISO files before.
(First year CompSci. I had a hard time wrapping my head around this ISO stuff. Before Windows 3.1 was out. So you can make fun of me.. I had to learn how to do punch card stuff.. Never used it since.)
Just so you know. ISO is not a computer thing... It stands for .. ..
International Standards for Business, Government and Society
Or ...
International Standards Organization
http://www.iso.org/iso/home.htm
So everyone is on the same page for each number the standard stands for.
Discs are ISO9660, that does go into other standards, but will still talk 9660. Your Win 3.1 disc will talk Apple Snow..
[You ever see them trucks carrying petrol? Well that diamond has a number and that is an ISO.. So anyone knows what it is. No matter where or what that truck is doing.]
This is not one OS or special format.. This is all the discs you use on your computer of any flavor. Be it Mac, PC ... Or anything else. We all talk the same ISO for DVD CD.. Russian, English or Chinese.
Here is a wiki for you to check out if you like.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ISO_image
Being a geek is about exploration and learning stuff for the challenge alone.. Not easy, do it for me.
noob, as in ocnoob. We can take this as simple as you like, or go there.. lol Some us love to learn and teach. One step at a time. You got a lot of folks wanting and willing to help you. Be patient and be open minded. Just let us know if your willing to follow through. Some things we can help change, some things are standardized throughout computers. So work with us, so we can get you going.
It is not a nuclear reactor. So take your time. The machine is not going to explode.
If an ISO install disc is an issue. I can mail you one, whatever you like. If not me, I bet someone will.