Working in electronics retail, you get to deal with a lot of knowledge-deprived individuals.
==========================
Customer: I bought some memory from another store the other day and after I installed it, the computer won't turn on anymore. *puts ancient Celeron 400 tower on counter*
Me: Can I see the packaging your new memory module came in? *inspects package.... DDR400*
Customer: The memory thingy wouldn't fit properly into the slot, there were these grooves that wouldn't fit, but I wanted the memory installed, so I just pressed down on the RAM like I was told until it clicked.
Me: *Inspects sytem.... PC100 SDRAM slots... with 256 MB DDR400 module JAMMED into it.*
=========================
Me: Can I help you sir?
Customer: I installed the memory you sold me an hour ago into my computer. It started up alright, but about 5 seconds after that I heard a sizzling noise and now the computer won't start at all.
Me: Lets take a look at that computer. *Lifts a dust-clogged Antec SX1040 onto the counter*
Customer: I read on the internet that if you install DDR400 into an AMD instead of DDR266 that it will blow up.
Me: *blank stare & shakes head*
I sold the guy a 512 MB module of Kingston Value RAM DDR400 for use in an old Asus A7V266-E & T-Bird 1400 system. I open it up... there's a THICK layer of nicotine & dust clogging every orifice of the system. So much dust in the chipset fan that it doesn't turn. The CPU fan turns maybe once every 2 or 3 seconds and then stops dead. Turns out buddy broke off a couple capacitors when installing the memory module and tried to blame it on me for selling him DDR400 for a DDR266-based system. This happened TODAY.
==========================
Customer: Will this plug into my
UBS port?
Me: *shakes head*
==========================
Customer: I want to plug in my really old printer with the spikey connector into my
USP ports.
Me: Well, if such a device did exist, you'd need a parallel to USB converter?
Customer: What's parallel?
Me: Parallel is the older cable connection type used by some peripherals like printers & scanners. It mainly uses a 25-pin connector like the one you were referring to earlier as the "spikey connector."
Customer: What's this
USB? Is it the same as my
USP ports?
Me: *Shakes head...*
==========================
Customer: I've got wireless speakers. I don't need a sound card.
Me: *shakes head*
==========================
Customer on Phone: That system comes with Windows XP right?
Me: Yes, Windows XP Home Edition is installed.
Customer on Phone: I don't want XP Home Edition, it's just an upgraded version of Windows 95 and it crashes all the time. I only want Professional.
Me: How did you come to that conclusion?
Customer on Phone: My brother-in-law told me. He works for IBM.
Me: *shakes head*
==========================
Customer: The most memory I can put in my computer is exactly half of the computer chip Gigahertz.
Me: *pauses...* Where did you hear that from?
Customer: My brother. He works for a computer company.
Me: The truth is that today's desktop Pentium 4 & Athlon-based systems can handle up to 4 GB of memory, regardless of the CPU's actual operating frequency. AMD's 64-bit CPU's can handle even more.
Customer: Yeah, but it can't utilize all of the memory EM BEE's without the system getting really slow.
Me: *shakes head...*
=========================
Customer: I can't burn DVD's in the computer I bought from you yesterday. You told me that I could burn a DVD, and this drive won't record. I can't make my recovery disks either. I want to return it.
Me: *Plugs in his computer @ service desk*
Me: If you wouldn't mind, show me what you do when you want to burn a DVD.
Customer: *Navigates to Nero... drags his files over... hits burn....Nero asks for a blank DVD to be put in*
Customer: *Inserts DVD label-side down.. and you could plainly see the label*
Me: Sir, the drive works fine.
=========================
Fellow Sales Associate: Linux is unstable. I tried to upgrade my Windows 98 to it, but I didn't get an autorun screen when I put the CD in.
Me: *ROLLS EYES.*
=========================
Customer: I like my AOL.
Me: *Runs for the hills...*
=========================
Fellow Tech: What's wrong with this system. The video card isn't being picked up.
Me: Fresh Windows XP install, right?
Fellow Tech: Yep, with Service Pack 2.
Me: You've installed the latest chipset drivers for this motherboard? (NForce2 based)
Fellow Tech: They are built into Windows, and the ones available from
NForce are buggy & slow the system down.
Me: *shakes head...*
=========================
Customer: I have 2 computers at home. One is a 256-40-1.2 and the other is a 512-80-2.6. My sister told me that we can't get these 2 computers on the internet because they don't have enough drive RAM. Where can I get more.
Me: *Shakes head...*
After they leave...
Fellow Sales Associate: Those guys are idiots. What the hell kind of system is a 256-40-1.2? N00bs.
Me: Hey retard... try using your head for something other than a hat rack. 256 MB RAM, 40 GB HDD, 1.2 GHz CPU
Fellow Sales Associate: Shut up. *walks away*
=========================
It's always a barrel of laughs @ work, having to keep a straight face when hearing some people (both customers & fellow staff members) talk about things they really have no clue about. Ignorance truly must be Bliss.
