Stupid things that Computer Know-Nothings say.

[Teacher_Doug]

You should see teachers at my school... %96 of problems are
1. Not plugged in or
2. Not turned on...

hail mighty givers of wisdom

Not all Oh little seeker after knowledge, some of us actualy try to teach the basics before going onto the advanced

In my classes, over half of the "problems" the students have are due to laziness...stretching out low on their seats, so their feet snag a cable and pull out the vdu plug.. but what really bugs me and a lot of others is programming...teach the kids to write pseudocode as a design , then implement the code...one kid told me it (the pc) was broken, stupid thing wouldn't work..checked the code..she had made up a new variable "get_answer", no input, no calculation, nuthin..just "get_answer".."stupid computer doesn't know what to do" she said....beats head against wall

Have pity on the poor "givers of wisdom"..after a few months of the above, we're lucky if we can remember how to count in binary

 

[Teacher_Doug]

"AOL is the internet dumbass"-idiot in my computer applications class

-OR-

"You can't build your own computer"- My computer applications teacher. My schools on a bit of a budget

JFYI I wanted to run luch & after school computer clubs, to show kids how to upgrade and build (maybe even OC) pcs...head of school veto'd it...wasn't qualified to do it (I've got a Masters in applied computing) and if the kids made a mistake and fried a component..we could get taken to court...he said...sometimes it's hardly worthwhile getting out of bed.

 

[CrashOveride]

JFYI I wanted to run luch & after school computer clubs, to show kids how to upgrade and build (maybe even OC) pcs...head of school veto'd it...wasn't qualified to do it (I've got a Masters in applied computing) and if the kids made a mistake and fried a component..we could get taken to court...he said...sometimes it's hardly worthwhile getting out of bed.

thats too bad... however even if the person was very knowledgable and the stuff i was gonna do in something like that was pretty advanced i prolyl wouldnt do it cuz most kids that do that kinda stuff through school really dont know anything at all and it annoys me just trying to listen to them if they think they do know anything and almost verything they say is totaly wrong or harldly right and they are so sure that it is (so id rather just come home and look around here... i do howver understand that there has got to be aa first for everyone adn that would prolyl reallly help some kids out)... like this one kid who was telling his freind he was gonna upgrade his ram (trying to sound intellegent) and he said "but its REALLY expensive since its and i have to get it THERE cuz its special" i overheard that and almost laughed, but i went over and told him to check out newegg or somethig insted of paying 200 bucks for 256 DDR wherever he was gonna get it...

 

[Maloso]

Im in R.O.P (Regional Occupation Program), and it sounds alot better then any programs you got. Teacher who has worked in comps for 25 years, and alot of smart kids.

 

[ghettocomp]

Heh..Heh..Heh....
/me Revives old thread

Stupid Computer Tricks

 

[Zulu-1]

holy thread resurection batman!

 

[squasher]

LMAO that was so funny.

 

[Slackfumasta]

Way back when I was a tech, I remember one very angry new computer customer who called and said that we didn't give his PC the memory he paid for. It was supposed to have 128MB and he said it had 32 or something. I remember looking at this PC myself before it went out the door, so I assured him that he had the right amount of memory. When I finally got him to cooperate so we could look at the system properties, it turned out that he did indeed have 128MB of memory. He went nearly apopylectic and accused me of changing his computer through the Internet and making it lie about the amount of memory it had.

I once fixed a computer for a prominent city lawyer. He had left tons of gay porn in his cache. I thought about telling people, but decided against it in the end.

The owner of the computer shop I worked in in the mid 90s sold a computer to a political ally (he was a politician as well). He let me know in no uncertain terms that any problems with this PC would result in my dismissal. I sent it out the door in perfect condition, but of course when this woman got it home she called my boss all upset because the computer wouldn't start up. My boss was furious until I got on the phone with the woman and discovered that she hadn't plugged in any power to the monitor. "What, this black cord? I didn't know what do to with it, so I left it hanging out of the back of the screen."

I once turned on a customers computer to discover that his desktop background was a picture of himself wearing absolutely nothing except a Santa hat.

It's not just the users who are idiots too. Back at that same computer shop, we had a guy who was our 'networking specialist', meaning he sold networks to small businesses. Or, at least he tried. We got sued by a lawyer firm after the bought a network from us and found out that our guy had sold them (and charged the full price for) 10 server licenses instead of 1 server license and 10 client licenses. . .

So many good stories.

 

[Dreamstalker]

"You can't build your own computer"

A family friend of mine said that to me when I told her what I was doing (hey, she asked)...and then went on to say that I should buy a prebuilt (um, if I was going to do that I would have).

Her crowning line has to have been: "AMD? What's that? Get a Pentium, at least you know what they are."

Bahahahaha....this woman has never used a PC before (she's a Mac person) and can't configure email properly. Why is she lecturing me on something she has no idea about?

More:
My mom: (complaining about an external hard drive I had bought her to back up a dying Dell) "But won't I lose all my files because it's not inside the computer?" It took a friend and I about 20 minutes to explain how an external drive worked.

 

[Dreamstalker]

"whats DOS?"

My C++ instructor said that as well...he tried to accuse me of "hacking the network" once when I was using a command-line workaround to access a Windows program that was needed by our class but for some reason had been locked down.

 

[ghettocomp]

ooooo....
I just love reviving this kind of thread. They just get funnier and funnier.
I should think of writing a book 'bout this stuff, Although I dont believe it
would not sell well, I still think it would be so funny!

of all things that I found on the link I gave above,
This one is my favorite:
http://unix.rulez.org/~calver/pictures/stupid_users/sct024.html
I had actually had something like this happen, my mother-in-law, a bookkeeper-
used computers at work- still did the same thing! Shame on me, I had to
fix the problem through Tears of laughter, in front of her!

 

[tenchi86]

I love this one

# Tech Support: "ISP tech support, how may I help you?"
# Customer: "Yes I was wondering if you could help me?"
# Tech Support: "Well I can certainly try."
# Customer: "Do you know those 55 gallon drums that they hold oil in?"
# Tech Support: (blink) "Yes...I believe so."
# Customer: "The ones that they have for trash cans at some places, but they originally have oil in them?"
# Tech Support: "Ok, sir, I know what you are talking about."
# Customer: "Well I was wondering if you could tell me why they chose that number?"
# Tech Support: "What number, sir?"
# Customer: "55."
# Tech Support: "Sir, this is technical support for the Internet."
# Customer: "Yes, I know."
# Tech Support: "I am sorry sir, I guess I am just confused on how you think that I can help you."
# Customer: "Well can you look it up and maybe put it on your web page?"
# Tech Support: "No sir, I really couldn't. I don't have that type of time on my hands, nor would my system administrator allow me to put that sort of information up on our company web site."
# Customer: "Ohh, ok."
# Tech Support: "Have you tried searching the Internet yourself?"
# Customer: "Yes. I am not very good at that sort of thing."
# Tech Support: "I am sorry, sir -- there is nothing that I can do from here."
# Customer: "Well, if you happen to come across it could you let me know?"
# Tech Support: "Yeah, uh-huh, ok. If I find that I will let you know. Have a good day."

 

[Oni]

His Google-fu is weak . . .

 

[zangler]

i usually get the "a64 by amd? you should not cheap out on your processor man....whats that? its at 2.2ghz? LOLOLOL...intel is over 3.0ghz now!" sheesh!

 

[Ebola]

I work as a systems admin and support about 60 people. I think I've heard it all. One temp here at work is especially annoying. We like to refer to him as comic book guy for various reasons. Please do not get me started on this thread.

 

[DrSpanky]

I work as a systems admin and support about 60 people. I think I've heard it all. One temp here at work is especially annoying. We like to refer to him as comic book guy for various reasons. Please do not get me started on this thread.

go on i know you want to... well i know i want you to so theres a good reason

 

[infinitevalence]

Tech: how can i help you?
guy: the mouse is stuck in the corrner of the screen and i cant get it out
... time passes as they try to figure out the problem
Tech: can you pick up your mouse and place it in the center of the mouse pad?
Guy: oh i did not know you could do that.

the above was a training recording from dell.

Tech: click next and fill in the information the program prompts you for.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
| Give your team a name
| __________________________________________________
| |_________________________________________________|
|____________________________________________________________

Guy: Whats the name of my team?
Tech: <insert example here> Miami Heat, NY Yankees....
Guy: O the name of my team.

^ personal experience, imagen all you have to do is read the screen!!!!

 

[ghettocomp]

I work as a systems admin and support about 60 people. I think I've heard it all. One temp here at work is especially annoying. We like to refer to him as comic book guy for various reasons. Please do not get me started on this thread.

My curiosity is there also.. why comic book guy?

 

[Ebola]

He is fat, wears glasses, talks with a lisp, has a pony tail, and calls a gigabyte a jiggabyte. He won't work unless his refresh rate is 75 hz. And to him, his refreshrate is more important then the phone system being down. I'm probably in the top five on his kill list. I hope he gets leprosy and dies.

 

[orionlion82]

"you have a HUGE CPU man!"
as a friend eyes my xaser III

i immediately think of this thread...
and think, OK, garbage in, garbage out

i say " no, its actually smaller than this booger on my finger"
at first he said
"uhh, well, is that good?"

i then say "you tell me"

he leans over to examine the non-existant booger on my finger...

" Whoa! dude! thats really small man, i cant even see it!"
i ask him
"well, is it good?"
and he says
"yeah, i guess"

from now on, i explain nothing - no talk of northwoods, or nanometers...nor discussions of dual core...

just garbage in - garbage out...