Mission Impossible?

{Video begins with Mr. Kittridge speaking}

Good morning, Mr. _______. The man you are about to see is one of your relatives or friends.

{Picture of friend or relative wearing an AOL sweatshirt rolling mouse on monitor screen to move the cursor}

He has been subjected to long-term Pavlovian conditioning by the international technical organization INTEL. This indoctrination has been intensified the past
few months to coax those like him to buy inferior PIV/SDRAM systems.

{Graph showing comparative benchmarks}

Today, we learned that he has cracked under the pressure and believe he is going to buy one shortly.

{Friend or relative in computer store with eyes glazed over as some kid tries to fill his manager’s sales quota}

Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to stop him and persuade him to buy or wait for a more suitable system.

You will be opposed by the full marketing forces of INTEL and the American consumer electronics retail industry.

{Army of sullen teenagers wearing store shirts with suits in the back of the crowd, all looking like Osama bin Laden without the beard and turban}

I don’t have to stress the importance of this matter, _______. Because of its urgency, our crack computing team has already prepared a brief targeted to your audience to assist you. Otherwise, you’re on your own.

As always, should you be caught or killed, the Secretary will disavow all knowledge of
your actions. This tape will self-destruct in five seconds. Good luck, _____!

Why Friends Don’t Let Friends Buy Cheap PIV Systems For Christmas

Instant Obsolescence! Intel will be coming out with a new generation of CPU and motherboard using different memory within a month after Christmas. The systems being sold now are meant to clear out old inventory, and will be phased out within a couple months.
If you buy now, you won’t be able to take full advantage of any upgrade without ripping the system apart and invalidating the warranty.

While the new generation of CPU will be more expensive for a while, the new generation of motherboard and memory shouldn’t be, and not only will that be quicker, you should have the option of upgrading the CPU at a later date without warranty problems.

They’re Overpriced For What You Get! The MHz of a PIV is not the same as the MHz for other Intel or AMD processors. Intel designed the PIV to do less work per MHz, about 75-80%. On top of that, the kind of motherboard and memory drop performance another 10% on average, so what you actually get is only about 65-70% of what you think you’re getting.

So if you’re looking at a 1.5GHz PIV/SDRAM system, what you’re really getting is more like a 1GHz system. If you’re going to compare a PIV/SDRAM system to an Athlon system, multiply the PIV MHz by 70% to get the real picture. That’s what the smart people do.

If you still want to buy Intel rather than AMD, why? Do you have a good reason, or have you just seen too many commercials with Intel chimes? Pavlov got dogs salivating from hearing bells, is what you’re doing any different? Think about it.

If you’ve thought about it and still want to buy Intel, fine, but at least wait and get new stuff for about the same price rather than help clean out old stuff.

Or if you absolutely have to buy Intel and buy right away, buy a 1.2GHz Celeron machine. They’re going to go obsolete fast, too, but they’ll do as well or a little better and cost less than those PIV/SDRAM systems you’ve been looking at.

Brutal? Yes, but . . .

. . . somebody’s got to do it. Besides, the other side isn’t playing pattycake, either.

Email Ed

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